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La Nausée

Existentialism is a philosophy that existence precedes essence. We are just here; there is no reason. Our task in life is to find a purpose for being here.

Jean-Paul Sartre & Simone de Beauvoir

Comme j'ai déjà dit, Simone, la vie est absurde! Il est absurd que nous sommés nés, et il est absurd que nous mourrons! On doit réaliser qu'il un dieu manque!
Contre la nausée, on doit réaliser les chemins au liberté. On doit décider. on est condamné d'être libre!

For those who do not know French, I have a series of quotes and titles of novels in this dialogue. "As I have said, Simone (de Beauvoir), life is absurd! It is absurd that we are born, it is absurd that we die. One should realize that we lack a god. Against the nausea, one must realize the roads to freedom. One should decide; one is condemned to be free.

C'est l'epsitle d'Anoine de Roquefort, qui décou-
verte la significance d' <>.

Approximately three weeks after the death and cremation of the master of existentialism, Jean-Paul Sartre, I encountered my first real experience of existential nausea. At the time I participated in the campus radio station, then WDFM (now WPSU), and on the morning of Friday, 9 May 1980, the station received an album of a group called "Flash in the Pan". I was the one who marked these albums as the property of the station, a task I fulfilled from February 1980-February 1982. One song from this album, called "Lights in the Night", sounded like the quintessence of existential nausea. I will repeat the lyrics here. Existential nausea means that one has realized that there is no purpose to life. It is a sickening feeling that existence is absurd.

a French artist painting behind an easel

I was really into skteching at the time, and that evening I sketched fruit on my bed. I hope to place them here. I felt so useless, and the recession didn't help my prospects of finding a job that summer.
Consequently, I spent that summer finishing my two bachelor degrees -- fortunately I was going to graduate school -- and patiently waiting for the sadness to pass. The bad treatment I received convinced me to vote against the administration, only to help indirectly put in an administration which would prove ruinous to me.


"Lights in the Night" Flash in the Pan (complete lyrics)

Sitting in the kitchen, coffee on the boil
Staring at the bacon, goodbye olive oil!
Thinking of the feeling, have another smoke
I've got money in my pocket, but I'm feeling broke.
Tried to read a paper, tried to read a book
Walking on a circle, hanging on a hook
Talking to the ceiling, feeling kind of ill
If the radio doesn't get me, the TV will!

Shining bright
What's it like
In the light?
Come down,
Lights in the night
Come down,
Lights in the night

Standing by the window, balance on the brink
Kiss another bottle, think another drink
Throw away the feeling, throw away the pill
If the bottle doesn't get me, the thinking will!

Shining bright
What's it like
In the light?
Come down,
Lights in the night
It's easy to believe
Lights in the night

Click here for the video


My sign, Cancer,the crab

the constellation of Cancer, the crab, in the sky

a hiding crab

Praesepe, the Beehive in the center of cancer
about 162 pc away

Here's a self portrait about the same time. The mirror has two faces!

self portrait at 22

What do I look like now? Wouldn't you like to know!

Unfortunately, I don't have the freckles, cleft and gelasins. Look below for another fantasy.

bearded man with a pipr

When I was in the MBA Program at Penn State, about half the men decided to grow beards. In April 1983, I decided to sketch myself in a mirror (like above). Just call me Captain Bud(dy Best)! Does anyone have a captain's cap?

Yes, I drew all these sketches!

Tu Es Partout   Édith Piaf
Nous nous aimions bien tendrement
Comme s'aiment tous les amants
Et puis un jour tu m'as quittée
Depuis je suis desesperée
Je te vois partout dans le ciel
Je te vois partout sur la terre
Tu es ma joie et mon soleil
Ma nuit, mes jours, mes aubes claires
Tu es partout car tu es dans mon coeur
Tu es partout car tu es mon bonheur
Toutes les choses qui sont autour de moi
Même la vie ne represente que toi
Des fois je rêve que je suis dans tes bras
Et qu'à l'oreille tu me parles tout bas
Tu dis des choses qui font fermer les yeux
Et moi je trouve ça merveilleux
Peut-être un jour tu reviendras
Je sais que mon coeur t'attendra
Tu ne pourras pas oublier
Les jours que nous avons passés
Mes yeux te cherchent sans arrêt
Écoute bien mon coeur t'appelle
Nous pourrons si bien nous aimer
Tu verras la vie sera belle

Find that purpose, that reason for living!